I’ve heard many ideas, thoughts, and facts about marriage, both when I was single and after we were married. Some things were true, and some are just plain lies that people have been lead to believe. After almost three years of marriage, we have learned that some advice we received was actually not good advice at all.
The view of marriage has been changing over time. It has become less important, less meaningful, and less desirable.
You know those getting-to-know-you Facebook posts going around where you answer the list of questions about yourself, like your favorite food, color, vacation memory, etc.? I was shocked to see that one of the questions was “How many times have you been divorced?”
It broke my heart to see that it’s actually on one of those lists. Marriage is sacred. It is such a beautiful thing, and the devil is trying to destroy it.
Here is a list of 8 lies we need to stop believing about marriage.
1. You might fall out of love.
I’ve heard of so many couples whose marriages fell apart and they got divorced because one or both of them “fell out of love.” I don’t believe that’s possible because loving someone is a choice, not a feeling.
If someone feels like they fell out of love with their spouse and is now in love with someone else, that means they weren’t guarding their heart and mind to protect their marriage.
Marriage is like a muscle. The more you work at it, the stronger it will become.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
2. You deserve to be happy, so if you’re not happy – get out.
I am in a few mom groups on Facebook and I hear of this all the time. A wife is upset because of something about her husband, and the response a lot of other moms give is to “Get out because you deserve to be happy.”
This just means that you are seeking your happiness from your husband, but he’s not the one you should ultimately be seeking joy from. We should be looking to the Lord for our ultimate, deepest joy.
God created marriage to resemble how it is for Christ to love the church – unconditionally.
“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. . . It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5,7
Related Post: Finding True Joy in Your Marriage
3. Sex will become boring.
This is completely false. If anything, it gets better as time goes on!
I had a coworker several years ago who was still in high school but was sleeping around with girls already. When I mentioned to him one time that Colton and I had chosen to not kiss or go further until our wedding day, he said he thought people like that would have boring sex. They wouldn’t know what they were doing.
Well let me just say that the first night was great, and it has only gotten better. Don’t be afraid that it will become boring in a marriage. It get’s better because you know what each other likes and you begin to feel more confident and comfortable.
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Songs 1:1
“My beloved is mine and I am his…” Song of Songs 2:16
4. You can always just get a divorce if it doesn’t work out.
You know there’s going to be trouble if you walk into a marriage with this kind of thinking. At any sign of hardship, a person can just leave? Give up? It doesn’t sound like they are very committed if that’s how they think.
We go through our hardships, like any marriage does, but we never consider divorce as an option or a way out.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.“ Mark 10:9
(I’m not talking about situations where a spouse is abusive. If this is the case for you, please seek help.)
5. Your kids should come first because they can’t care for themselves.
It’s true that you are the providers and protectors of your children, but it’s possible to take wonderful care of your children and still put your spouse first.
Children need an example of a strong marriage. That is the best thing they can have.
After all, when you grow old and your children leave home, you are left with your spouse, not your children. So you might as well cultivate and keep that relationship strong up until that point.
“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.“ Proverbs 25:24
6. You stop dating each other once you’re married.
They say it takes a lifetime to really get to know someone, so why stop dating when you get married?
Of course, it can be difficult to get alone time after you start having kids, but there are ways around that! Have a date night at home. Those can be pretty fun, too.
One blessing for us of living with family is that they are home to listen for the baby while he’s sleeping so we can go out. We’ve had many late night dates to Denny’s because of that.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
7. You “leave the party early” if you get married young.
I got married at 19 and was one of the first among my friends to get married. However, I don’t have any regrets with getting married young. Marrying in your youth means that you can grow and learn together. We love that we are able to go through the throws of life side by side.
I’ve heard some people say that someone doesn’t know what kind of person they want when they’re young. They should date a lot of people and then they know their “type.” That may be true for some people, but getting married young is not bad or wrong.
I never thought I would get married young. I thought I would at least be in my late twenties before I met the man I would marry. However, the Lord had other plans for me and I am thankful.
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.“ Proverbs 5:18
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
8. Pornography won’t hurt your marriage.
There have been so many studies of how harmful it can be, yet it’s becoming more and more common in the media for people to think it’s okay. And some people think it’s okay if the couple watches it together…
Here’s an article about 15 scientifically explained reasons why porn isn’t healthy for viewers or society.
“I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.“ Psalm 101:3
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28
“You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4
These 8 lies about marriage are being believed by more and more people and are being taught to the next generation. This is why it’s so important to teach our children the importance and sacredness of marriage while they are young. “Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6
My aim is to help others value the importance of marriage and keep it sacred like the Lord created it to be. Will you stand with me?